Friday, June 04, 2010

Well, My Life Will Never Be The Same


So, I finally found it. "It," in this case, being the one thing that actually grosses me out to my core.
I know that last post, I indicated that the "sac" inside my back cyst makes me dry heave, but I was exaggerating. Its mention creates a brief, slight nausea, but then brings on a sinister smile when I think of telling other people about it and grossing them out. (What a great, strange phrase by the way. "Gross out.")

I am not easily horrified. In fact, I like to think I could weather the following scenario: Woman giving birth vaginally while someone creates a "Boston Cream Pie" on her chest. Nearby, Dirty Sanchez and Rusty Trombone are being enacted, while
Saw 25: Finally, Torture Porn with No Plot! plays on a screen. Someone is cutting off the fingers of people with gambling debts, while at an adjacent station, doctors reattach said fingers. The baby is finally out of the birth canal and its eyeball falls out of the socket and dangles. The afterbirth is produced and someone eats it for the nutritional value.

I mean, this sounds like a delightful carnival to me. Additional things that I find funny/pleasant/totally whatever: farts, diarrhea, vomit, menstruation, period sex, facials, semen in general (although I'm currently eating creamy broccoli soup and taking a bite after typing "semen" was slightly strange), pulling poop out of my dog's butt when she's eaten the bush in my parents' backyard (this is, in fact, a thing that happens -- I use a plastic bag, not my bare hand), shaving people's backs, etc. etc. etc.

So what finally got to me? What actually made my vadge wince -- you know that feeling, when you KNOW it's bad?


A bloody nipple. SO GROSS.

All I can say about said nipple is that it was not mine, thank god. And it was not one of those running-related ones, which is I guess not the worst (but is still DISGUSTING). Everything else is left up to your imagination.


This is the closest thing I could allow myself to post.

5 comments:

Alice said...

Amanda, you need to rent "The Aristocrats" ASAP.

Mrs. Beer said...

You are disgusting/hilarious... How does someone come about a bloody nipple like in their day-to-day life? I need to know.

Boulos said...

You would likely also be horrified by the long, dry nipples of the African mom in "Babies", it was rather a jarring close up on the big screen. Thanks for all of that imagery before dinner, BTW. Hot.

samantha said...

i am horrified. and the bloody nipple is the least disgusting thing you mentioned. fuck.

Lillie McSmith said...

BACK CYST SAC? Throwing up at my desk, thanks.