Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Wee Educational Moment...

So, I decided to answer a random myspace survey the other day (something I hadn't done in over a year, I think) about my #2. It so turns out that your fave pair of wives are each other's myspace #2s. I thought our answers were so hilarious that you ALL deserve to see them. So... here goes!

First, here is mine about the wifey:

Can YOU answer 23 questions about YOUR #2?
: 1) What's their name? Amanda

2) What is their sexual orientation?
straight, aside from our "marriage"...

3) Where did you meet them?
We met in our dorm in sophomore year at NYU, and we've been wives ever since!

4) What was your age when you first met?
18!

5) Is this person one of your friends?
I GUESS...

6) Say something that only makes sense to you and that person.
Did we destroy the rules from the book? God, I hope so...

7) Is this person older than you?
older by 3 months exactly.

8) When was the last time you saw this person?
April on the drunkfest that was NASHVILLE!

9) Do you miss them?
I miss her sweet ass daily.

10) Are you related to this person?
She's my wife, does that count? Her sis is my faux sis.

11) Do you have nicknames for each other?
SOOO many. Oh Flapjack!

12) Is that person bringing sexy back?
You bet your ass.

13) Do you think that person will repost this?
If she know's what's good for her!

14) Why is this person #2 on your top friends?
My bro has precedent, b/c the whole blood relation, you understand, right Wife?

15) Have you seen this person cry?
Yeah, oh that Beaches! (j/k!)

16) Do you know this persons last name?
There ain't no ass in Glasbrenner, that's all I gotta say.

17) Do you tell them a lot about your life?
Probably more than she wants to hear, LOL!

18) Doing anything tonight with them?
Only in spirit... she's in Chicago.

19) If yes, What?
Uh, spiritual bonding??

20) Do you love them?
Well, she is my wife!

21) Would they date you?
She married me, what do you think?

22) What's something the person is obsessed with?
There was the tuna renaissance, but right now? A lot of things, the internets (as she calls it) in general I would have to say.

23) Does this person make you laugh?
On a daily basis!



And now, Amanda's response about me:


This works out perfectly, as boulos is my #2 (more important than my bro, it seems)


1) What's their name?
Kelly, better known as Boulos (in certain circles)

2) What is their sexual orientation?
bicurious

3) Where did you meet them?
Randomly assigned suitemates, or as I like to think of it, an NYU-arranged marriage

4) What was your age when you first met?
A few days before my 19th birthday, I would imagine

5) Is this person one of your friends?
Yes

6) Say something that only makes sense to you and that person.
omg I cannot BELIEVE you went there with yours, though that was perfect. Um... "If I drank a lot and tried real hard."

7) Is this person older than you?
Nope, younger by exactly 3 months

8) When was the last time you saw this person?
The end of April, in Nashville.

9) Do you miss them?
Yes!

10) Are you related to this person?
Not by blood.

11) Do you have nicknames for each other?
Um, yes. "wife" being #1. Also, chuckles.

12) Is that person bringing sexy back?
Duh

13) Do you think that person will repost this?
If she did, this would be a perpetual cycle

14) Why is this person #2 on your top friends?
She and my sister are actually neck and neck for "person I talk to/text/email most," but I've known my sister longer

15) Have you seen this person cry?
Yep. "Behind the Music: The Day the Music Died"

16) Do you know this person's last name?
What a ridiculous question. It's Boulos

17) Do you tell them a lot about your life?
Yes

18) Doing anything tonight with them?
Maybe accidentally watching the same thing on tv?

19) If yes, What?
America's Got Talent.
J to the mofo K! Probably Jeopardy or Law and Order!

20) Do you love them?
Duh

21) Would they date you?
I'm the kind of girl you fuck or marry, not the kind you date.

22) What's something the person is obsessed with?
WW (aren't we all?). Unicorns, kittens and rainbows.

23) Does this person make you laugh?
She lights napkins on fire in moving vehicles and insists we count Missouri 3x!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enjoy all! Hope you pooped your pants from laughing!
~Boulos

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

POOP!

Ok, I don't even think an appology would suffice for my neglect of our dear blog at this point, so I will just say a simple, sorry, and move on to something that you NEED to hear.


Although the wife has been updating rather dilligently, she failed to mention the incredibly unbelievable trip that was NASHVILLE '07. My faux-sis (Amanda's actual sister and roomate) ran a marathon in Nashville on April 28th. She is quite the traveller when it comes to her job, and offered us a free hotel room courtesy of her points, if we flew down in support of her run, and for lots of drunken times. The wife and I would NEVER turn down a chance to share a King sized bed, or to drink at all times of day and night, and to eat more than our weight in BBQ, so of course we went.


The weekend was a FESTIVAL of gluttony. Being a member of Weight Watchers (I've lost 30lbs since Jan, thank you very much), I hadn't drank or eaten such an unimaginable amount of food in MONTHS. The conversations we had circled around our gassiness, desire to poop, or the constant surprise at how much we'd just ingested. After the victory party hosted by Melissa's running group, the wife and I continued to drink for several hours, and then somehow stumbled up the giant hills of Nashville to get home to the hotel. A few hours later, at about 6am I awoke to the blaring television, all lights were still on, and the wife was asleep in her clothes next to me. This did not at all surprise me, so I shut everything off in my hungover haze, and proceeded to the bathroom to pee. Now, this is where the surprise occured... Immeditately after flicking on the light, and see glaring up at me from the bowl A HUGE PIECE OF POOP swimming in pee. I was confused, and then laughed for SO LONG, I could not comprehend how one drunk wife could POOP DRUNKENLY, and then FORGET TO FLUSH IT!!!! Oh God, it is one of the top 5 funniest things that has happened in my life, I'm sure. The best part of the whole story was telling the wife what she'd done, and her asking me, "Was there toilet paper in the bowl?" as, she wasn't sure she'd wiped. LOL!


Way to go, wife. The Nashville drunkfest will forever be known as the time you left me a poop present. I will treasure it always.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Pothead (Po-theed)

Too bad Archana doesn't read the internets because she'd like this (and my subject, and I think she is one of two or three others who knows about potheed).

As noted previously, my company was kind enough to move us downtown to the land of the living. My monitor broke during the move, and then it was replaced with another dude's monitor, which was a similar big, bulky early '90s model, but had a nametag stuck in the middle of the screen and a rearview mirror. The rearview mirror was awesome for spying until I realized I was staring at myself in horror constantly, so I turned it around.

Long story short (too late!), the IT dudes were all, "hey, your monitors are from the stone age, technologically speaking. We are getting you all new, bright, classy flat screens!"

And we were like, awesome. Except that no one is really in charge here, per se. The person closest to being in charge is my friend and coworker Meghan, and most of the time we kinda wing it. So the old dino monitors have been sitting on the ground for about 2 weeks now.

She finally decided they needed to be removed, so just a few minutes ago, she said she was calling Amvets. She dialed, hung up the phone and turned to me.

"They close at 4:20. Who closes at 4:20??"

And of course I replied, "Stoners!"

I dunno, it made me giggle at the time. Maybe because I took a break with those amvets workers about an hour ago.



Wednesday, June 13, 2007

At Least It's Not That Old Lady, Dirty Pantyhose Smell

I have been experiencing hygiene issues for the past week or so.

That sounded disgusting. Okay, here is the issue: I have been noticing that I have smelly armpits. Like, yeah, BO-smelly. But I use deodorant! The same one I've been using for months, except I recently bought a double-sized stick of a different scent. Maybe this is why it was on sale... maybe I will never buy sale deodorant again (it IS a brand name, in my defense).

In any case, I checked and it's anti-perspirant as well, like I always buy. I've never had a severe armpit sweat issue like, oh, about 1/2 of my female friends have. And I've never had this smell issue! It's really getting me down. I bought a new deodorant during lunch but I almost don't want to try it, for fear it won't work and I will be left smelly and friendless forever.

To top it all off, later this afternoon is the party (with booze) for my new office and I don't really know 1/2 these people. I'll probably get tipsy, throw up my arms in celebration, and promptly become the office reject.

Great.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Best Picture Ever

I've seen a lot of pictures of the famous, stupid nipple incident at the Super Bowl a few years ago. How can anyone possibly avoid that nonsense? Usually, any mention of the incident makes me want to go to sleep and wake up when people have grown reasonable and, I dunno, neither idiots nor publicity whores roam the streets in the staggering numbers they do today.

However, I came across a depiction of the incident I don't' think I've ever seen before. I don't know if it's a different picture or if it's been manipulated in some way (lengthened?) but I love it. It's possible you've already seen this a million times and I just discovered it because I've been shielding my eyes from the whole thing for so long. Whatever, humor me.

I present to you Justin Timberlake, captured just as shock and awe have contorted his face into that of a old ex-con pervert who is simultaneously pooping his pants and shooting his load. While thinking of dead puppies.




Thursday, June 07, 2007

OMG where have I been?

Unintentional hiatus. Work has been crazy busy, and on top of that we were moving to a new office. I didn't want anyone to catch me blogging amidst that insanity, but I have no Internet access at home. I'm pretty much living in the 18th century over there, but it's a nice 18th century in our new place.

But, our move is over, and I finally work in the actual fucking city and not in the gross suburbs! IT IS THE BEST. My sister works in the same building (random coincidence) and keeps trying to tell me I'll be over the whole riding the el, working amongst normal people and not insane freaks who play accordions at work during one of their weekly birthday parties (seriously. this happened.), having a million lunch options in walking distance thing. I swear to god, I never will. I will cherish these opportunities from this day forward and never ever take city living for granted again. (cut to a few months from now, when I'm not returning Chicago's phone calls quickly enough and she slaps me in public, ending it for good).

I have been compiling a list of things I meant to post here, but the list is in my brain, which erases things without my consent. Especially considering the tequila I've been drinking every weekend.

However, here is an interesting tidbit: I visited Target Tuesday evening, looking all run down like I do after working all day and wandering aimlessly about the store like I do anytime I visit. Luckily I had my sister back by my side when I spotted a dude I'd hooked up with last August. Running into someone you knew for only one night is strange (well, THREE NIGHTS really, considering he accosted me in a bar another time, accusing me of having been a bitch the first time, and then hit on my friend another night in a failed attempt to inspire jealousy after I didn't learn my lesson and abandon that particular bar forever...). I mean, I only associate this guy with that bar and then also with the next day, when I had to work at kicking him out of my house for an hour or so. But get this: he was buying paper towels in bulk with a girl. Rather than, you know, drinking and hitting on me.

Briefly, every stereotypical chick-lit-ish knee-jerk reaction these situations conjure up ran through me. Then I thought, sucks to be her! And checked out with my sister, as people around us continued playing that "lesbian couple, roommates or sisters?" game we encourage.